Really, guys? Going there? Slow learners or what?
You've already given away too much of the game with the gay thing, what with your wide stances and rentaboy luggage haulers. Your family values crusades were a pretty serious tell about your own "serious sins" and "excessive patriotism."
Do you really want to let Americans know just what kind of video freaks you are by going after pornography?
Well, that ship's sailed back in 2009, helmed by the able Captain Edelman.
What, you don't remember, boys? Oh, right, that was almost three years ago, an eternity in FOX/Koch-driven, commienazikenyaayersalinskimanchurianmadrassa time. Allow me to refresh your memories.
In 2009, Benjamin Edelman, Assistant Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School (elitist SOB, to be sure), published a study breaking down by state the largest customers of online pornographic sites. It wasn't a comprehensive answer to the question, "Who's a porn freak?" Couldn't be, what with variables like free sites and access to broadband, etc.
But, correcting for these variations as well as possible, Edelman came up with a reasonable answer to the question, "Who's so much of a porn freak he's willing to pay good money for it?" And the answer is: You.
You wonderful, family-values-loving, woman's-chastity-protecting, marriage-sanctifying, other-peoples'-business-meddling, red state conservatives. However you may decry others' sins behind your pulpits and podia, once you get behind the keyboard, the Bible Belts come off.
The Book of Mormon Belts, too. Utah is the number one porn-site-subscribing state in the nation. But don't feel bad WestByGod, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana. You're not far behind.
All those red state hot spots of Thou Shalt Not. All those deep mines of GOP votes.
Which leads to an interesting hypothesis: It's not about us at all. Not us or our marriages or our kids or our schools. It's not about law students at Georgetown or leather boys in the Castro.
It's about you.
You're afraid of your own sexuality, of what you feel and what you desire. And you want to make the whole country a Puritan's Paradise of hard labor, tasteless food and cold baths so that no one, anywhere, will ever see or hear anything that will ever excite them.
That way, maybe you won't have to feel those feelings anymore.
Well, I'm sorry you have difficulties, but most of us out here don't. We've looked over the menu and chosen our favorites and are reasonably satisfied with them. We've learned that we are endowed by our creator and that the greatest sin is simply hurting people. We're okay with who we are.
That you are not is your problem. We will not allow you to make it ours.
You can read Edelman's study here. Don't worry, there are no exciting pictures.