http://www.dailykos.com/... this diary.
Prosecution of the 70 year old woman who cared for her Mother for 28 years because she was finally so worn out she lost it? She didn't willfully hurt her Mom, she needed help too.
No help to be found because this type of situation is one of many that gets lost in the beaurocracy, the red tape, the "rules".
I call BS. Whomever would willingly prosecute this is someone who has never had to wipe the behind of an aging parent because it needed to be done. I'm not going to try to find a catchy phrase to ask you to follow me below the Orange thing. It's just too important.
My husband Persiflage and I are presently helping my 93 year old Mom remain "independent". That means we drive her everywhere, help her with numerous things she needs, be sure she remains social as well as having her needs met, listen to her fears, her memories (WW2 nurse, greatest generation, Dad, brother's suicide), as well as put some, not all, but some aspects of our lives on hold while we aren't getting any younger. I'm 63, Persiflage is 72. We don't complain about not being able to travel far or for long, this is how it needs to be now. We accept and embrace that. We want the best for Mom and are happy to do our best.
Of interest, Mom receives $1090 monthly from SS. Her rent is $819 monthly. She spends about $30 at the grocery store weekly. Other necessities eat into her SS check so that she needs to take a little monthly from savings to manage. Her total savings are $18,000. Period. She has too much to qualify for any outside help. As a VA patient she waits an eternity to see a physician so we go outside that system, she has CLL, and my husband and I help pay for that. We want her to have proper medical care.
We buy food for Mom, pay her rental insurance, and do other things to keep her in her own home. When her money runs out she will come here. Not because she wants to but will need to.
Having said that, we helped care for my Dad before he died. WW2 vet. Finally on Hospice due to failure to thrive. To have your husband hold onto your 89 year old Dad while you wash his behind takes you to really weird places, but we did it, for him, to be sure he was clean.
Before that my hubby's Dad lived with us for 6 years. During that time we not only cleaned his bottom but his entire room after a "poop" event. I slept in a sleeping bag the night before he died. I didn't know he was dying but he was so agitated I didn't want him to be alone. Again, we had Hospice who were so tied up they arrived right after he drew his last breath. Good thing I'm a nurse, I could handle it.
Before that was my husband's Mom's death due to Glioblastoma. Again, Hospice at home, again the constancy of being there. Where else would we be?
Hospice, I love them, is so stretched thin it's absurd. It's up to the families to do most of the work, physically as well as mentally. Part of Hospice home care is "respite care", four days of time out for caregivers. The family member goes to a skilled nursing facility so the caregivers have a break. It's a joke. We tried that with my father-in-law. He came home in clothes I had never before seen that weren't his, likely because the Hospice nurses' aid arrived at the facility to find him covered in poop, and begged us to never send him there again. We promised we wouldn't and he died at home two days later.
There is little or no help nor is there any thought about what the caregivers deal with. I'm not complaining but trying to enlighten. There is no money for assisted living at $6000 monthly in our area. All of our parents earned or are earning "too much" monthly, never mind that with out our help they would likely go hungry or at least face some form of malnutrition. Seniors have special needs in this regard.
As we caregivers deal with all of this, along with the emotional needs of our elderly we, at the end of the day, often forget that we ourselves are not 93, rather than 63 or 72. It all makes you tired. You begin to identify with the age of your loved one. You start to be that person.
So, who is going to prosecute me for sometimes feeling 93 as opposed to 63? Who will deem me negligent if my Mom needs help and I finally crack from the strain of dealing with it alone with only my husband to help?
Only a self-satisfied little dweeb who has never in his or her life dealt with these issues without a single resource other than those I've mentioned, that's who.
My most fervent hope, right now, is that just a single one of those folks get the chance to take a crack at it. Good luck.