From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Jeb's Voter Registration Form: The C&J Interview
Yesterday the leading Republican 2016 presidential candidate, Jeb Bush, got caught providing false information on his 2009 voter registration form. We tracked down that registration form, and it agreed to grant us this exclusive interview:
Cheers and Jeers: Do you remember the day you were filled out by Mr. Bush?
Jeb's 2009 Voter Registration Form: Of course. I only get one chance to be filled out, so when it happens it tends to be a big day. It's like the registration form version of a wedding or Bar Mitzvah.
C&J: So Jeb's filling you out, and he gets to the Race/Ethnicity box, and he checks "Hispanic" instead of "White, not of Hispanic Origin." Could you tell if it was deliberate or accidental?
VR Form: I'm a form, not a mind-reader. All I know is he checked the Hispanic box and I said to myself, "Uh oh. This ain't right."
Republicans who hold the voting
process sacred should punish this scofflaw.
C&J: What's the penalty for filling you out with false information?
VR Form: The law clearly states that "If the information on the application is not true, the applicant can be convicted of a felony of the third degree and fined up to $5,000 and/or imprisoned for up to 5 years."
C&J: As far as you're concerned, is there a difference between false and mistaken information?
VR Form To answer that question I'll direct you to the oath that all voter registrants have to swear to. It reads, in part: "I do solemnly swear (or affirm)…that all information provided in this application is true." And next to that is his signature. So my question to him would be: knowing that you could go to jail over a false answer, why didn't you double- and triple-check me before you signed me?!
C&J: So Jeb Bush swore an oath that he's Hispanic in violation of state law?
VR Form: Yeah. Awkward, ain't it. But how do you think I feel? I get one shot to be a complete and accurate form, and this Bush guy turns me into an accessory to a crime. Thanks a lot, pal.
C&J: It's well known that, in the eyes of every Republican in the country, the worst possible offense a human being can commit is claiming to be someone he or she is not anywhere in the chain of the voting process. Now that one of the most prominent Republicans from one of the most prominent Republican dynasties just got caught falsifying information on you under oath, do you believe he'll be forced by his party to pay the maximum penalty in order to demonstrate that no one is above the law?
Sadly, our interview was cut short when Jeb's voter registration form died from asphyxiation due to convulsive laughter. Our condolences to his family, especially his wife the parking ticket and their three Post-it Note children.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Note: The internet tells me that today is "No Housework Day." Or, as most people call it: "Day That Ends In Y Day."
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9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Months 'til the elections in Britain as of today:
1
Days 'til the first
National Math Festival in Washington D.C.:
9
Percent chance it's sad that America waited until 2015 to create a national math festival:
100%
Current approval rating for both Mitch McConnell and John Boehner in the latest
PPP poll:
20%
McConnell/Boehner approval rating among independents:
16%, 13%
Number of people who registered for D.C.'s medical marijuana program since the District relaxed its rules last summer:
2,700
(Source:
The Washington Post)
Number of ants for every person in the world:
1,000,000
(Source: The internet)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
So What If We All Carried Ourselves More Like Ted Kennedy? No Bridge Would Have Sturdy Enough Guardrails?
---Front-pager "Repairman Jack" at RedState
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Just bizarre..
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Rise up, Ferguson.
CHEERS to a chance for a fresh start. Big day in the beleaguered town of Ferguson, Missouri. Voters there have a chance to
change up the composition of the city council, steering it away from being a bizarre Jim Crow-style star chamber towards a body more representative of, and responsive to, the African-American community that is still reeling from the fallout of the Michael Brown shooting. I just hope all the voters have filled out their registration forms correctly. You know what sticklers Republicans are about that.
JEERS to more money down the rat hole. As if we didn’t know already, this article in the Los Angeles Times demonstrates what a colossal waste of everything "our missile defense shield" has been. But, of course, it still has its defenders, like this idiot clinging to the Dick Cheney "one-percent rule":
These would be just as
effective. And cheaper.
Henry A. Obering III, a retired director of the Missile Defense Agency, said any unfulfilled expectations for SBX and the other projects were the fault of the Obama administration and Congress---for not doubling down with more spending. “If we can stop one missile from destroying one American city,” said Obering, a former Air Force lieutenant general, “we have justified the entire program many times over from its initiation in terms of cost.”
How come we never hear any of these guys say, "If we save just one person from hunger, it will have justified the cost?" Naw, that would deprive them of another favorite rule of the maniacal overlord class: if there's just one family of poors who can be kicked, then
they must be kicked.
Last summer Rand Paul ran...away.
CHEERS to the call of the Paul. Today's the day! Roll out the bunting and hire every brass band within a hundred miles! Today American national treasure Rand Paul---Aqua Buddha his bad self---is
officially announcing that he's running for President of the United States. The Washington insider says he plans to run as a Washington outsider, and as a libertarian-Republican he's guaranteed to piss everybody off at least half the time. His folksy-drawly persona may get him all the way. But the big question will loom large over his campaign: Is America ready for its first Human-Tribble hybrid president? I'm not quite sure we're there yet.
CHEERS to babies and bunnies and Obamas, oh my! It's widely known in beltway circles that the single most important criteria by which to judge a presidency is its Easter Egg Rolls. Yesterday history was again witness to the annual spectacle hosted by the President and First Lady on the south lawn of the White House. (The weather, by federal law: sunny and 75.) This year, the child who found the coveted "golden egg" won the grand prize: a religious objection of their choice. (I say you can never go wrong shunning legumes for the Lord. Especially Satan's peas.)
JEERS to southern hospitality, Republican style. Speaking of religious objections: it's rather amazing that the "Religious Freedom to Discriminate" law debacles in Indiana and Arkansas haven't stopped the God-Hates-Fags crowd in state legislatures from daring virtually all of corporate America (including Big tech, Big retail, Big Sport and Big Entertainment) to exert a world of hurt on 'em financially. The latest nose-thumbery comes from the Land of Jindal:
Johnson works his day job.
The Louisiana bill, introduced by state Rep. Mike Johnson, lets businesses refuse to serve same sex couples, just like the one in Indiana.
But the Louisiana proposal also goes a step further and allows a private company to not offer benefits to same-sex married couples if there are religious objections, according to the New Orleans Times Picayune. Notably, the legislation also blocks the Louisiana government from taking away state contracts and tax benefits from business owners because of the owners' views on same-sex marriage.
We'll see how far this gets, but for now all I'll say is that it's rather fitting that this bill is the brainchild of a guy whose last name is defined in the slang dictionary as "a dick."
CHEERS to hoops hopes. Congrats to the Duke Blue Devils, who were crowned the NCAA men's basketball champs after their 68-63 win over Wisconsin last night. (To be fair, Governor Scott Walker's budget cuts meant only two Badgers could be on the court at one time.) Tonight the women wrap up the Madness d' March with a board-stompin' dustup between Notre Dame and UConn. My head says the Fighting Irish (because if anyone knows how to win a fight, it's the Irish), but my gut's cheerin' for the Huskies because our dog is part husky and if we don’t root for 'em she'll pee in our slippers. Ya gotta be scientific about these things.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 7, 2005
JEERS to Condi the Conwoman. Remember how Ms. Rice and her husb... I mean, her boss, ignored a PDB (Presidential Daily Briefing)---based on good intelligence---titled "Bin Laden determined to strike inside U.S.?" Now she says we mustn't "under-react" to threats from Iran and North Korea based on bad intelligence. You sort it out...my brain hurts.
JEERS to the Washington Hillbillies on the road. George W. Bush viewed the lifeless body of Pope John Paul II yesterday and found him "not very talkative." Daddy Bush is there to keep his son from crawling on the furniture. Senate majority leader Dr. Bill Frist says he's sticking with his earlier video diagnosis that the Pontiff is just napping. Tom DeLay's there, too, and you can bet your ass it's not on his nickel. But we're not complaining---at least they're all out of the country.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to power women. Michelle Obama makes the cover of Glamour again, looking…oh, what's the word...glamorous in the May issue with Kerry Washington and Sarah Jessica Parker:
I don’t know how her successor is going to top that. Although in fairness, First Husband Clinton will look almost as good with Clooney and Springsteen on the cover of
Modern Maturity. Almost.
Have a nice Tuesday. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention: Red Sox 8, Phillies 0. But who's counting? Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
In case anyone still doubted the US-based comedian John Oliver’s journalistic capabilities, he scored an interview that very few other journalists have---a sit-down with Bill in Portland Maine.
---Quartz
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